My Husbands Involuntary Separation
- Emily Karcher
- Jan 7, 2019
- 7 min read
Today's topic is going to be a bit of a hot mess (if I'm being completely honest). For anyone that's new to my blog, which 99% of you will be, my husband was in the United States Navy for 5+ years. Originally when I created this blog it was supposed to be my own escape from the hectic life of being a military spouse... however that quickly changed.
Before we jump into this, let's go back to right around the time of my last blog post, May 2017. Gabriel and I were a month away from our wedding and moving to where he was stationed in GA. Things were really starting to look up for him in his military career. All he ever wanted to be in life was a dog handler. He had been volunteering during his off hours at the base kennel for over a year and was finally told that he had a seat waiting for him in dog handling school. Not only was he finally going to be able to take some REAL steps towards being a handler, but they were also working with him on picking out a new duty station of his choice. THIS WAS BEYOND EXCITING (for those of you who were ever part of the military this is where we all *eye roll* and shake our heads, because we should have known better). Everything he ever wanted was getting handed to him all in one day!
Now you know how people use the saying "I had everything I ever wanted, and then the next day it was all gone?" Well, that is exactly what happened. Not even 24 hours later Gabriel called me mortified that everything was falling apart. Not only was he not able to go to dog handling school, but he was getting forced out of the navy all together. WHAT. Before we go any further in this I just want to say that HE DID NOTHING WRONG. You always hear horror stories of people doing stupid things and getting dishonorably discharged. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE STORIES.
Supposedly the person that was helping him get into dog handling school went to put through all of his paper work - which included putting it out there that he needed to apply for relocation to a new duty station. His request for a new duty station was denied. This paved the way for the next 8 months of our lives. We soon found out that the navy (maybe even the military as a whole but don't quote me on that) was letting go of more than 50% of the 2013 class. This means that anyone who graduated from bootcamp in the year 2013 was at risk of getting honorably discharged immediately from no fault of their own. Names were basically pulled out of a hat and those were the people that were unfortunately involuntarily separated.
This news shocked EVERYONE. Gabriel was one of the best sailors, and yes I know everyone loves to speak highly of their family and friends but anyone that Gabriel worked with was furious and upset that this was happening to him, of all people. Our plan was to stay in the military for at least 10 years, travel, get dog handling school, eventually get out and move home so Gabriel could become a dog handler in the civilian world and truly settle down. Like I said before Gabriel volunteered at the kennel during allllll of his off time. He really went above and beyond for everyone he knew. He received multiple Navy Achievement Medals, was an expert marksmen, etc. (just trying to help paint the picture here that he was the furthest thing from ready and willing to get out of the military).
We were then told that his only hope of staying in the military was to go special forces... HAAA! His only options were to become a navy diver or a navy seal. Well he went to talk with the navy divers about pursuing this option and again left disappointed. For those of you who do not know Gabriel, he is a broad shouldered, muscular hunk of a man. And in order to be a navy diver you have to be... well not that. Also the physical requirements were just a little out of reach for him at the time (if you plan on going into the navy to be a diver you work towards those physical requirements for years, not a few days). So navy diving was officially off the list of possibilities. We immediately nixed the idea of Navy Seals just because it wasn't at all what we ever planned for and weren't ready for that type of a commitment (also the pass rate for becoming a Navy Seal is nearly impossible, let's be honest here).
We had so many people at multiple commands fighting to help Gabriel stay in the military, but unfortunately it just wasn't enough. Also as a little side note in this, Gabriel's contract was supposed to end February 2019 (in case you don't realize that's a month away from now) however because of this big plan to get rid of 50% of his class he was forced out in January 2018. We still got married on June 17, 2017. We still moved to GA/FL in order to live together, and we hoped and prayed everyday that some miracle would come and he would get the opportunity to stay in the military. Well that opportunity did come. We finally had some sort of a plan together: move back to PA to celebrate Christmas with our families (due to all of the leave he had acquired we really left the military in December 2017), Gabriel was prepared to go to College, and we were hunting for full time jobs back home. Our military move was schedule for December 13, all of our stuff was packed up, my two week notice was put in at work, and our entire family was anxiously awaiting our arrival home. About a week before our schedule move, we were having our goodbye parties with all of our co-workers and friends we had made down in GA/FL, we were actually excited and happy about the future. We had truly convinced ourselves that this was what God's plan was for us, and that we were ready to dive head first into the crazy unknown. Then the military called. They had miraculously made a mistake and Gabriel was actually allowed to stay in the military (this quickly turned into one of those "but wait there's more!" infomercials) however he could still choose to be involuntarily separated and receive an honorable discharge as originally planned. He was also re-offered a seat in dog handling school, any command he wanted, the whole enchilada. We were completely shocked.
Now this is where we still question ourselves to this day, and I'm sure that we always will. We turned down the offer to stay in the military. You know when you convince yourself that you dislike a person? Everything they say, everything they do, just even the way they walk annoys you. That's basically how we felt with the military at this point. Don't get me wrong, we will always support the military 100% and there's still times that we do miss the military life style and I know that Gabriel misses his job sometimes. But after all of the lying, deception, and false hope over an 8 month time frame we were just burnt out. ALSO the big kicker was that in order for basically all of his dreams to come true, he needed to re-enlist. Which was absolutely absurd because he still technically had 2 years left in his contract to begin with, the involuntary separation was discharging him more than a year early, remember? This just all felt like the scene in the little mermaid where Ursula steals Ariel's voice... We just didn't know who we could trust anymore, and just kept thinking "ok, but what's stopping them from taking away dog handling school or something else once he re-enlists?" It unfortunately was just something we didn't think we could chance happening. Also, our entire family was so excited for us to finally come home for good, how could we do that to all of them?
So we turned down the offer and continued to move home to PA. Is everything butterflies and rainbows? Absolutely not. Do we still question our decision every other day? You better believe it. However, to be able to live every day without fear of him being deployed, knowing that he's only a phone call away, I don't think we would trade that for the world. We are slowly, yet finally, putting some deep roots back in our hometown after a year of being back and it just feels right for us.
I wanted to create this posts because when we were going through this crazy phase we had never even heard of involuntary separation. We couldn't believe that that was something the military did. Even to this day Gabriel is approached by recruiters for the military saying "don't you want job security? The military can give you that! We can promise you ____ if you rejoin!" LOL NO. We researched and researched for hours on end trying to find answers to our questions or find other people that went through this same issue with the military and we found absolutely nothing. Yet since being separated we have learned that at least 5 people that Gabriel previously worked with or knew from school were involuntary separated just like him. So I wanted to share our experience incase someone else out there may be going through the same thing. If you are currently going through this or have in the past know that you are not alone and that this is absolutely not your fault.
If anyone out there feels that this story resonates with them in a way, has questions, or just wants to chat feel free to send me a message. Gabriel and I are more than happy to talk further in depth with our experience and never want anyone to feel alone like we did.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading in my long winded rant and hope you enjoyed just a glimpse into our lives over the past two years!
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